Murder murder she wrote it right.

I watched Murder By Numbers tonight. It's a two thousand something film with Sandra Bullock, Ryan Gosling, and most importantly Michael Pitt. If you have yet to see this fine film this is a spoiler warning. In the end, it turns out that Pitt's character actually did the killing, although Bullock assumes Gosling was the killer. After this revelation, the film cuts to a shot in a hallway outside of a courtroom. While a Deputy calls out Jessica Hudson (Bullock) the camera pans back to reveal Bullock sitting in a bench around the corner. She is facing her ex-husband who nearly killed her after stabbing her in the chest with a kitchen knife seventeen times in the chest. While this is all fine and well, the protagonist is facing her demons, it also serves as a very important reminder of something that Laura and I talked about in the car today. It is a sentiment that I hold closely as I make most of my decisions. Without failure there is no possibility of success. If Bullock had not discovered that Pitt was the killer, she would not have been able to testify at her ex-husband's parole hearing. Why is that? Because she realized that there is not second chance. That we are stuck with the life we chose, or that others have so deftly dealt us. She once believed that Jessica Hudson was dead and as a new woman she could move on from her nearly fatal past, but through the trials of a murderous high school student she realizes her fallacies, and she testifies. This may sound like a brief synopsis of a rather mediocre film, but what I am attempting is quite different. I often struggle with my own connections to the past. I attempt to escape or ignore exactly what constructed me. This attitude is nothing more than a farce. I am only trying to make excuses for who I am, or who I think that I have become. We so often let our own fates slip from our control. And while I fall far short of passivity in my own decisions, I have noticed a tendency to allow others the responsibility in my future. This is something that I want to change. Fuck that shit, I'm golden. 

- Sagan