Today was a bad day. Not a bad day in the epic, literal sense of "mother fuckin EVERYTHING went wrong," just a day where nothing feels right. I spent a long time walking around campus today trying to find someone to sign my advising forms. No one would sign them. IU doesn't care if I go to London, they just want to know I'm graduating so they will be paid.
Fuddasheebee.
Tom is my knight in shining armor. He smoked me out, took tomorrow's shift for me, and ranted on and on about how I should just kick everyone's asses because I deserve London more than anyone he knows.
So, staring out stoned onto the familiar intersection of Indiana and 3rd, tears inexplicably come to my eyes, mimicking the oh-so-melancholy rain that had just begun to fall. People like Tom make life worth living.
It's not that I'm so negative and coldhearted about the world and my life and existence... it's just that I'm so unsatisfied with what I've seen thus far. I'm anxiously seeking and not finding. Sure the lights look pretty on the lake, but is this WHY we're here? No. Beauty (natural, manmade, or in people) is not an explanation of why we're here, but rather a reason to keep us from killing ourselves. Beauty gives us motivation to continue looking for the 'real' reason we're here, while also providing a distraction, a moment of ecstasy; a thoughtless, timeless space where we can forget about our individual existence and become wrapped up in everything else's.
Ok. So this realization is not that mind blowing. It may even be considered slightly negative and it certainly hasn't remedied my state of existential melt-down. However, at least it's pretty here and there are fun things to do and wonderful people to meet.
whatever
1 comment:
Man, February to April is too long, it's good to see someone writing again (aka the last post was right on). maybe it was Cabin fever. Things are looking though, spring and summer are on there way.
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